since I’ve posted, held my camera, shared my thoughts in virtual space, all that jazz I was regularly on board with, let’s say 5 years ago. This space was meant to be a platform to share anything and everything. As you do, life happens and the way life should look like by the time you reach a certain age (point) isn’t exactly what you expected.
“YOU GOT THIS” you sure do Ana (I would tell myself over and over again). This has been my mantra since I can remember. That internal voice, never mind the storm that is happening around you, somebody has to keep calm and collective. YES I was the ‘you got this’ girl, sister, daughter, friend, colleague.
Always quick to jump in, if not to land on the epi-center then I definitely landed close enough. Where am I going with this post? I guess what I’m trying to say is life up until now taught me to persevere, be strong, keep things together for everyone else. What about me? It’s OK to say you don’t have your shit together. And that was probably the most difficult part of my transition into the WOMAN that I am today. Letting go, letting God and letting myself know that I needed to look after me first before I can look after others.
Be the BEST Ana? If only I knew who that person was… 🙂
I set out to do just that. I had to re-connect and get to know the real me again. Who am I if I am not a daughter, sister, friend, neighbour or team member? Who am I if I am not a photographer, a people manager, communications specialist, an alumnus of education institutions? If I was all these things, is that the best version of me I have to offer to the world? Is it the best that I can offer life considering I have been blessed with a functioning body, a family who love me and supportive, loyal friends to last a lifetime. Surely I can do and be more 🙂
When I hear people say or repeat the above phrase I think of the fact that this is never-ending. It’s been 12 years since I left high school yet when I bump into old classmates or their parents I am reminded of who I was back then (don’t worry it was all cupcakes and rainbows lol). We’ll have the brief exchange of words and the phrase that makes me cringe is “Oh you’re still the same…”. Why do I cringe? because I was hoping that I wasn’t still the same. That somehow I have evolved from that young woman over the years.Then again people say the same thing with other encounters.. “oh they’re still the same…” actually no they’re not. Perhaps the person that has changed is YOU (BTW that’s a good thing!).
Yes I have changed and it’s taken a lot of chats with my best friend of 15 years (sister from another mister) to accept that the better version of Ana has been a work in progress and will never be complete because the process is on going 🙂
Where did I see myself at 30? I stopped asking myself these questions because at the end of the day, plans are only one route on a map of plans that lead to various destinations. I haven’t always made the boldest of choices but it has certainly shaped me into a version of me that I LOVE today!
In two weeks time, it will have been a year since I moved away from my hometown! January, 2016 I left all that was familiar, my comfort zone and set out to embrace the wind that is in Wellington. The girl with a plan had no plan – only this, I will couch surf at my mates, job search daily, see what comes up and maybe I will pursue that project I’d been holding off for so long! By the end of February I was signing a contract, in April I moved into a flatting situation with strangers, July I finally said good-bye to what seemed like a complicated long-term relationship, in August I had signed a lease to rent a place (to make my own) and December met two entrepreneurial pacific women who I am glad will be launching into that ‘project’ I’d been neglecting for such a long time! All of this in the midst of an emotional roller coaster: settling into a new community and being away from my family, feeling utterly independent (but really!). It was a good time to do plenty of reflection and just be still. I don’t think I’ve been still and quiet since… I can’t remember!
I survived it! Yes, because if you’ve made it this far, then there’s still plenty of where that came from. I welcomed 30, more content in my life choices, my self-worth and purpose more than I ever have before. Supposedly 30 is the new 21, I’ll let you know at 40:P
My plan for 2017 is one of continued work in progress. I’m going to be even crazier and more weird. Why? All great things came from crazy ideas and it’s always the weird ones that see you more than you see yourself lol! Let your weird light shine to attract all the other weird stars in your night sky 🙂
When can I call myself a Wellingtonian? probably never. This place is definitely home now. What I’ll do next – it’s all up to him. Where God guides he surely provides. This I know to be 100% true. Well that’s me for now. Have a fantastic 2017 and fingers crossed this will not be the only blog post for the year lol!